


a love letter, from me to you

by catsinmars



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, M/M, Non-Sexual Intimacy, ermm.. thats it, its just them being domestic sorry /:
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-21
Updated: 2020-10-21
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:00:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27132155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catsinmars/pseuds/catsinmars
Summary: Sawamura Daichi doesn’t sayI love you. He doesn’t. No, he says it in other ways. A cuddle before bed, even when he sleeps straight, like some vampire. A kiss on the forehead, on the temple, even when there’s nothing happening. A soft press against the ends of his back as he passes through the kitchen. Lifting up the spoon filled with soup for him to taste. A kiss on his knuckles, eyes staring at his adoringly at three pm in the afternoon, because Daichi says Koushi is too pretty not to be adorned every single minute.Hm.Yeah.Sawamura Daichi doesn’t sayI love you, and that’s enough. Koushi already knows well enough.
Relationships: Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi
Comments: 2
Kudos: 78





	a love letter, from me to you

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sexy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sexy/gifts).



> always proud of u nd always in love w u

Sawamura Daichi doesn’t say _I love you_. He doesn’t. No, he says it in other ways. A cuddle before bed, even when he sleeps straight, like some vampire. A kiss on the forehead, on the temple, even when there’s nothing happening. A soft press against the ends of his back as he passes through the kitchen. Lifting up the spoon filled with soup for him to taste. A kiss on his knuckles, eyes staring at his adoringly at three pm in the afternoon, because Daichi says Koushi is too pretty not to be adorned every single minute.

Hm.

Yeah.

Sawamura Daichi doesn’t say _I love you_ , and that’s enough. Koushi already knows well enough.

The thing is, he used to say it before their first anniversary.

He’d say it slowly and softly, when Koushi would jump in front of him, cheeks pushed up due to his wide smile as he bends a little to match Daichi’s eyes and tilt his head cutely and say, “Daichi,” he wouldn’t even say it first, he’d make sure Daichi was looking at him attentively, all focused on him. “I love you.”

And then, Daichi would stare at him. First, he’d stare at his hair, floppy and bouncing as he continues to jump at the balls of his feet. Second, he’d stare at his eyebrows, raised and a little thick. Third, he’d stare at the mole near his eyes, not his eyes first, because his eyes always make Daichi nervous and gooey. Fourth, he’d stare at his eyes then, wide and excited and brown and pretty. Fifth, he’d stare at his cupid’s bow, all pointy and stretched due to his grin. Sixth, he’d stare at his lips, pink and pulled into a grin. Oh.

“Oh,” Daichi would even stutter out, because even if they’re nearing their first anniversary, Koushi still makes him feel like a first-year high schooler. And that usually doesn’t say much because they just graduated, like, a month ago and third-year Daichi and first-year Daichi are the same kinds of different. “I love you, too.”

And, well, that’s how it usually went, before their first anniversary.

And the morning after their second anniversary, which was a date night hastily made in the middle of cramming papers and reviewing for quizzes that were meant to be reviewed over with three days ago, Koushi had greeted him early in the morning with two cups of warm coffee and asked, “Do I make you uncomfortable?”

In the middle of the sidewalk, and almost spilling his egg sandwich, Daichi trips on his own feet and hastily turns to Koushi, hand outstretched to take the coffee. “ _What_?” he’d muffled out, mouth still full of sandwich and Koushi had smiled at him weirdly, or maybe it was in disgust. “ _No_! What made you say that?”

Koushi pouts, pink and a little glossy and Daichi wants to kiss him. He takes his coffee instead and lets their fingers brush just to see the pout turn into a soft smile. “I don’t know,” he mumbles, squeezing his hand before taking a sip of his coffee. “It’s a little stupid.”

“Tell me,” Daichi stops walking and almost pulls at Koushi’s arm. He’s a few steps away from him and Koushi looks back at him. “Come on, what’s wrong? You’d never make me uncomfortable.”

“No,” Koushi suddenly whines, letting himself get pulled closer to Daichi and his nose is a pretty red. Maybe it’s the cold. Daichi lets go of his hand for a short moment to untangle his scarf from his own neck and to carefully wrap it around Koushi’s.

“There,” he mumbles, and smiling up at Koushi. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

“No,” Koushi mumbles, trying to avoid Daichi’s eyes yet the other only tries to follow where his eyes go, smiling when Koushi lets out a huff of frustration at him. “Stop,” he laughs out, swinging their arms together as he does. “Okay, fine, I’ll tell you.”

Daichi waits and waits until Koushi’s cheeks puff up and his hands fist the front of Daichi’s shirt as he buries his head on his chest. “Daichi,” he whines, “it’s embarrassing!”

Daichi lets out a laugh and pulls him even closer, subtly wrapping his arms around him. “Take your time,” he laughs, swaying them softly. “I’ll be waiting for you.”

Koushi lets out a hum and then pulls away, pouting up at him. “I love you,” he suddenly says and Daichi raises a brow.

Silence rests over them for a moment as the sounds of cars and people walking pass over them. “I love you,” he eventually says and Koushi smiles at him.

“You don’t have to say it back, you know,” Koushi says, squeezing his arms around him. “I know you, Daichi, don’t force yourself for me, please?”

“I don’t force myself,” Daichi mumbles, pulling him closer with almost an apologetic look on his face. “I’m sorry if you think that way, but I don’t, really.”

“I know you,” Koushi pulls away and begins walking, looking at him from the side. “And you know me. You don’t have to say it back. I know you already do."

Daichi lets out a disbelieving laugh and walks closer to him, letting out a hum after. “All right,” he says instead and makes sure to look at Koushi when he says, “I’ll take care of you today, yeah? Lunch on me.”

Koushi looks at him, trying to fight a smile before punching him on the arm. “You’re already trying to look cool!”

So, that’s all there is to it, actually.

No major event, no screaming, no crying; just Daichi and Koushi, Koushi and Daichi, it’s always been just them.

Koushi would still smile at Daichi, cheeks pushed up and eyes a little meltier as he whispers, mutters, murmurs, shouts _I love you, Daichi!_ and Daichi would stare at him—the first four stages and then squeeze his hand a little tighter and say something like _I’ll treat you to lunch today, here, borrow my scarf_.

Maybe there isn’t some, weird, angsty Tumblr-esque explanation for why Daichi takes a bit too long to say it back, maybe he’s just too in love with Koushi to say it quickly, eyes still distracted when he stares at Koushi. So, yeah. That’s it. It works just like that.

It works, just like it always does with them.

_As cheesy as it sounds, you’re more of my best friend_

_than my lover and I’m not complaining, never._

Here is how Sawamura Daichi loves: wholly, deeply, softly, all positive and in love words that end with -ly because that’s how he feels towards Koushi.

He wakes him up by peppering kisses all over his face, the feel of his warm and slightly chapped lips melting along with the warm sunlight. It makes Koushi smile, slowly batting his face away as he relishes the softness of his pillow.

“Stop,” he mumbles, voice groggy and sleepy. “Why are your lips so dry,”

“Hm,” Daichi hums, tightening his arms around his waist and pulling him closer. “Kiss me better, then.”

Koushi lets out a soft chuckle and turns to him, eyes still closed. “That’s not how it works.” He slowly rubs at his eyes and Daichi smiles softly at him, wanting to kiss him. He does.

“You have your demo today,” he says and settles the blanket softly at Koushi’s bare chest. “And I have mine tomorrow.”

Koushi’s lips form into a small pout and he yawns. “I do,” he grumbles. “I’m so tired of demo teaching. Aren’t I a perfect teacher already?”

Daichi kisses his eyelids, one, two. “You are,” he replies and then, “but you’re also in your second year.”

Koushi finally opens his eyes to glare at him. “Dummy,” he mumbles and then squishes his cheek against the pillow. “Don’t wanna.”

“I’ll make you your favorite breakfast.”

Koushi’s legs wrap around his and Daichi hisses at the coldness of his feet. “Stop! You coldblooded monster!”

Koushi laughs, soft and dreamy and it still makes Daichi’s chest curl and bloom. “Want natto rice.”

Daichi hums lowly and hugs Koushi close to him one more time. “Of course,” he kisses him softly on his temple then pinches his bare waist, smiling at the yelp he lets out. “Now get up! Up, up, up!”

Koushi glares at him and groans loudly. “And an extra bowl of rice!” he voices out to Daichi, who’s already close by the bedroom door. The way Sawamura Daichi functions in the morning is still a surprise to Koushi.

Daichi looks behind his shoulder with a big smile. “I know, baby,” he lets out a laugh and begins walking away. “I know you!”

Koushi lets out a smile and brings the blanket to his face as he sighs softly. Daichi. Daichi. Daichi.

“Ah, you stupid dummy,” he smiles to himself and snuggles his face onto the blanket. “You dummy! I love you!”

Later, at their college department, with Daichi hovering right by the doorway, eyes wide and peeking through the small window on the door, watching him do his demo, Koushi would smile at him, fingers rising a little by his waist as if saying _hello, i love you_. Daichi smiles widely when everyone starts clapping and Koushi starts bowing. _Ah_ , he thinks, _I knew you’d do amazing_. It’s what he’d say later, anyway.

He watches as Koushi talks to a few people, packs up his stuff, and _then_ , almost runs towards him. “Daichi!” he lets out a laugh and fixes his bag. “Finally!”

“Told you you’d do amazing,” is the first thing Daichi says, giving him a packaged sandwich from the canteen. Koushi takes it with a smile yet a confused look on his face. “Eat up, then we can go to your favorite restaurant.”

Koushi smiles up at him and then fixes him a smug look. “Hm… are you proud of me?”

Daichi looks at him weirdly and softly pushes him. “Of course, I am! You’re always so nervous in demo teaching but you always get perfect scores.”

Koushi unwraps the sandwich and grins, taking a bite, humming softly. “Ramen?”

Daichi throws an arm around his shoulders and pulls him close. “Of course? Where else would we eat?”

Koushi smiles and relishes in the soft spring air that graces their cheeks. “My treat.”

“What? No!”

“Why not?” Koushi pouts up at him. “I just finished a successful exam!”

“Exactly?” Daichi looks at him with a confused face. “So, _my_ treat.”

“No, _my_ treat.”

“No—”

“If you refuse, I won’t kiss you.” Koushi suddenly says, tilting his chin up and widening his eyes at him. When Daichi blinks rapidly at him and slowly nods, Koushi grins and they begin walking. “I love you.”

“Fine. Your treat.”

He, Koushi, and Asahi meet up the next night, a few hours after Daichi’s demo teaching. They meet at a Korean barbecue place, Asahi in front of them as they sit by side.

“I can’t find a model,” Asahi sniffles and Koushi lets out a sad sound, eyes focused on the meat he’s grilling. Asahi frowns at him. “You can at least say something.”

“Oh, sorry,” Koushi says then glances up at Asahi before pouting his lips. “Aw.”

Asahi groans and takes a sip of his drink. “This suck.”

“C’mon, don’t say that,” Daichi says then and starts arranging the side dishes as they wait. “What happened to Kao—”

“In Osaka.”

“Oh? What about Tsu—”

“Sick.”

“Oh, that’s sad to hear.”

And then, as Koushi flips the meat, “What about Ino—”

“Has an important presentation on the day.”

Daichi blinks. Asahi looks at him tearfully.

“Oh,” he says. “I’m sorry.”

They both turn to Koushi slowly.

Koushi takes five large pieces of meat skillfully and turns to Daichi, softly setting them down his plate. Then, he looks up. “What?”

Asahi juts out his bottom lip.

“No.”

Koushi turns back to the grill and Daichi takes some lettuce.

“Suga,” Asahi sobs out, leaning back against his chair. Koushi looks at Daichi challengingly and he unattractively shoves a big piece of meat and lettuce in his mouth which makes Koushi laugh loudly. “You’re even ignoring me! And where’s _my_ meat?”

“Hush, you big bear,” Koushi says through his laughter, skillfully taking five pieces of meat and onto Asahi’s plate. Asahi’s face quickly lights up and he looks at him hopefully.

“If there’s no one else,” Koushi starts and puts more meat on Daichi’s plate. “Daichi and I can model for you.”

Daichi chokes on his meat and Koushi pulls away his glass of water from him. Asahi almost cries from relief.

_I watch the sunset, sunrise, moonlight,_

_with you, with you, with you._

“I think you’re insane,” Koushi laughs in disbelief, the setting colors of orange and yellow highlighting his face as the sounds of the ocean and waves echo around them. His hand is clammy and tight around his.

Daichi turns away from his face with a smile and lets out a deep inhale, enjoying the sound of Koushi mixing in with the ocean. “Not really,” he finally says. “I just think we deserved this.”

“Hm,” Koushi smiles and pulls Daichi closer to the ocean, hands tightening. Their shoes sink into the sand and when they’re a bit close to the water, Koushi lets go of Daichi’s hand and begins taking off his shoes.

“Koushi, wait—” Daichi’s eyes widen and he tries to stop him. “It’s—It’s winter!”

“And?” Koushi glances at him from where’s he’s bending down, untying his laces. “You brought me here!”

“Yeah,” Daichi chokes out and pulls his coat tighter. “For us to watch the _sunset_! Maybe take some photos! Not swim!”

“I’m not _swimming_ ,” Koushi laughs loudly, head thrown back. Daichi wants to wrap his coat around him. He watches as Koushi takes off his socks and jumps barefoot at the sand. “I just wanna put my feet on the water!”

It was something Daichi had been wanting to do, take Koushi at the beach, but in the middle of winter, just so it’s just the two of them, wrapped in their winter attire, holding hands and watch the sunset and maybe eat at some small family-owned restaurant. He thinks it’s because Koushi’s been a little stressed lately, an important exam coming up.

Daichi watches as Koushi runs towards the edge of the shore, waiting for the waves to crash softly by his feet. He lets out a small laugh at the shriek Koushi lets out before he turns around at him, eyes wide and body softly shivering. “It’s so cold!”

“Yes,” Daichi laughs and walks closer to him, but still far from the water. “That’s what happens when you go to the beach in winter.”

Koushi pouts at him and jumps from his spot and to in front of him. “But you brought me here.”

Daichi puts his arms around his waist and smiles. “I did. But we don’t have to swim.”

“But—”

“We can always come back here,” Daichi laughs and kisses Koushi’s nose. “We can probably take a nap here.”

“Are you serious?”

“Hey! We can lay on our coats.”

Koushi narrows his eyes at him. His head tilts a little as he thinks and then, “Are you trying to copy that scene from Weightlifting Fairy?”

Daichi blinks. The waves crash. “Yes.”

Koushi laughs, twinkling and bright and then kisses Daichi’s cheek. “Okay, fine, all right.”

“Wow.”

“Let me get my shoes.”

So, they lie there, the waves almost tickling their feet but not quite, their thick coats underneath them, overlapping each other as if a blanket, and them, DaichiandKoushi, KoushiandDaichi, laying on top, heads leaned against each other as their interlocked hands lay between them.

“Thank you for bringing me here,” Koushi says, bumping his head a little against Daichi’s and smiling at him, nose a rosy red. “Even though I can’t swim.”

Daichi grins and tightens his hold on his hand. “I told you, we can come back. Let’s just lay here.”

“Like Kim Bok-joo and—”

“Yes, like them, now, hush.”

“Daichi,” Koushi says teasingly, rubbing his thumb against the back of Daichi’s hand. “Are you discreetly telling me you want to star in a K-Drama?”

 _“How_ did you even get—”

“Don’t worry, Daichi,” Koushi cuts him off with a giggle, turning to him and their noses touch, cold against cold, red against red. “If you drop out of Educ for Acting, I won’t tell, promise.”

“I’m not—!”

Koushi kisses him to shut him up, swift and hard. “See?” he laughs, cheeks pushed up. “That was _totally_ a K-Drama scene right there.”

Daichi kisses him too, a soft peck. “Okay, fine, you got me.”

Koushi rolls his eyes and turns to look back at the sky. “When you play along, it gets boring.”

“That’s not what you said last night.”

“Ew!”

Daichi rolls over and hugs Koushi with a laugh, letting his cold cheek touch Koushi’s neck as the other laughs and tries to kick him off. “No!” Koushi laughs, wrapping his arms around him and Daichi pulls away to hover his face above his.

“You’re a pervert,” Koushi scrunches his nose and Daichi kisses the tip of his nose. “Also, I’m cold. Let’s get coffee.”

“Okay,” Daichi says. “Kiss me first.”

Koushi does, even bites his bottom lip a little that makes Daichi whine a little at the back of the throat. Koushi pulls away with a laugh and kisses his cupid’s bow. “Baby,” he teases at him and sits up, making Daichi sit by his thighs.

Koushi cups his face, even when Daichi visibly shivers from how cold his palms are. “C’mon, you baby,” Koushi leans close and kisses him, biting and licking at his bottom lip and pulling away, grinning when Daichi follows him with his eyes closed. “Up, up! I want coffee!”

Daichi opens his eyes to glare at him, lips bit red and pouting. “Fine,” he grumbles. “I want coffee, too.”

They find a small family-owned café, littered with Christmas decorations and a small corner full of board games. Koushi leaves Daichi to order for them and he skips to the games corner, eyes twinkling and looking at the different games. He chooses two: Jenga and some crappy one that says _What do you meme?_ He thinks there must be some copyright infringement somewhere.

When he finds a seat and waves at Daichi—although a bit useless seeing as the place is tiny, a maximum of ten tables spread out, he’s already looking through the rulebook and splaying the cards everywhere.

“What is this?” Daichi laughs and sits beside him, setting down the tray. “I bought you a shortcake.”

“Thank you, baby,” Koushi turns to him and smiles, pouting his lips a little as if he’s about to kiss him. He turns back to the game. “Wanna play Jenga?”

Koushi says Daichi’s cheating, a few minutes later into the game. Daichi laughs, taking slow sips of his coffee as he leans back against his chair. His arm is thrown at the back of Koushi’s chair. “I’m not,” he explains, watching as Koushi takes his turn, hand going up and down the tower slowly. “It’s all skill, baby.”

Koushi turns to glare at him. “You just see, Daichi. You’re gonna lose.”

And swiftly, Koushi takes out a piece in the middle with the tower barely moving. Daichi narrows his eyes at him.

He sets down his cup and Koushi lets out a smug laugh, picking up his mug of hot latte.

“Game on, Koushi.”

Daichi loses, the tower noisily falling around the table and onto the wooden floors, Koushi’s muffled yet loud laughter mixing in with Daichi’s whines. “Pick them up,” Koushi wheezes through his laughter, pushing at Daichi. “ _Loser_.”

“Jesus,” Daichi mutters and piles the blocks on the table before kneeling on the floor. “You won’t even help me?”

“No,” Koushi laughs and takes a slice of his shortcake. “Loser!”

“Cruel, cruel,” Daichi shakes his head and makes eye contact with a worker. He smiles at her apologetically and begins picking up the blocks. “You’re very cruel!”

“Sore loser,” Koushi continues to tease at him. “Now, hurry up! I wanna play this next one!”

When they go back home, to their classes and their demos and the looming end of their third year beginning, Koushi’s eyes light up, weeks before his demo.

“Daichi!” he says excitedly and the other hums, eyes still focused on his laptop screen. He’s about to present about Japanese traditional dances. “Remember when we went to the beach?”

“Hm?” Daichi hums and pauses in typing. He’s been staring at his screen for hours. “Yeah, of course. Why?”

“What if I do games for my demo?” Koushi gasps, wheeling his chair next to him. His desk was on the other side of the room. “Like little Jenga games or whatever? That should work, right?”

Daichi looks away from his screen and looks at Koushi, hair pulled back by a headband. “That works,” he says, “kids love games.”

“Right!” Koushi lets out a laugh and rubs at his eyes. Daichi’s quick to wrap a hand around his wrist and to gently pull his hand away from his eyes. “I can’t believe I survived this long without thinking of that!”

Daichi smiles at him and nods. “At least now you know,” he grins and then, “do you need my help?”

Koushi rolls his eyes and pushes at his arm that Daichi’s holding. “If you aren’t busy! I need to go traditional for this!”

“Okay, okay,” Daichi laughs and turns back to his laptop screen. “Let me finish this, okay?”

“Okay,” Koushi grins and gives him a quick kiss. “I’ll make you a milkshake.”

They stay up a little late, kneeling over large portions of paper and Daichi cutting up square sizes. He watches silently as Koushi mumbles and mutters, writing largely and carefully on the papers all about nouns and pronouns and verbs and adjectives.

“Hey,” he calls out and puts down his pair of scissors and the pastel yellow paper he’s holding. “Let’s have dinner.”

Koushi hums and looks at his writing. “Okay.”

Daichi grins and begins to stand up, groaning when his knees pop. “Jesus,” he wheezes and Koushi lets out a snort.

“Old man.”

“Shut up,” he rolls his eyes and stretches a little. “I’ll cook some stir fry. You need to eat.”

“Hm, okay,” Koushi hums and looks up at him. His hair is ruffled and there are stickers and post-it notes stuck to his shirt. Daichi knows he’s the prettiest. “Thank you, Daichi.”

“Of course,” Daichi bends a little and kisses Koushi’s forehead. “For you.”

Koushi pushes him away with a scrunch of his nose. “Cheesy.”

_I love you wholly, deeply—wait,_

_have I said those already? At least you know._

_That I love you. In every way, form, language._

Koushi loves him a bit too much, soft kisses peppering his face, his palms, his fingers, his hands, his wrists, his collarbones, the back of his thighs, the space above his belly button, the space where his collarbones dip. He kisses him here and there, and Daichi inhales and exhales. No one has gotten this close, this intimate. _Only you_ , he wants to say.

 _I love you here_ , hums Koushi, kissing the back of his thighs, still tanned and firm from years of gym.

 _I love you here_ , kisses Koushi at his wrists, where his vein slowly thumps.

 _I love you here_ , murmurs Koushi, kissing his cupid’s bow with a tremble of his lips.

Daichi’s fingers shake, resting his hand at the back of Koushi’s nape, throat scratchy and closing in on him. Koushi smiles, soft and melty, kissing him right below his left eye, the softest of a kiss.

“Here, too,” he hums, engulfed by moonlight and love. Daichi exhales.

“Suga,” he says then, because he’s a bit shy, like they’re back in high school, like some nerd.

Koushi lets out a soft laugh, nuzzling their noses together. “So weird, Daichi,” he kisses his right eyebrow. “Here, too.”

Daichi kisses him, then. Slow and languid. Like he’s making up for the years, even if they spent their teenage years together. Always together.

_I told you, right? I’ll always love you._

_That’ll never change_.

It still wasn’t that hard, still always together, even when sometimes, touches get a bit too cold and eyes get a little too teary-eyed and glared.

Sometimes, Daichi still gets a bit too distant, a bit too far away, and sometimes, Koushi gets a bit—not tired, never tired, but maybe that, too, lying dormant but never rising. The T-word. But it’ll never be truly there. Always just a slight misunderstanding, harsh words bitten into their tongues when silence becomes too heavy.

Sometimes, Daichi remembers, how everything used to be and how everything changed, and he looks at Koushi and wonders: _will that happen to us?_ Sometimes, Daichi says things he shouldn’t, voice a bit too rough and hard, eyes a bit too glared. Sometimes, he’d snap and break, like a balloon filled to its limit. Sometimes, he thinks, maybe it’s just him. Maybe he’s just not meant for people like Koushi.

Most times, Koushi would say he deserves him. Most times, Koushi would wait and then cup his face, whisper the words Daichi always wanted to hear and hug him tight. Most times, he wouldn’t say anything, knows when to give and when to not. Most times (always), he’s here.

In his worst days, Daichi would snap and cry without waiting; mouth and throat cracking and filling with words he wouldn’t say, insecurities and insults and the past leaving his mouth yet still coming back home inside of him. In these days, Daichi shuts down and shuts out, Koushi being the only few to see him like this.

In his worst days, Daichi forgets that Koushi loves him, even when he’s at his worst.

Koushi tries not to let Daichi fall asleep without knowing that he loves him, that forgiveness is always there for him, waiting with open arms.

Tonight, Koushi opens the door and sees the Daichi-sized lump on their bed, still and quiet. He’s faced towards the ceiling, a body so still and quiet that it makes Koushi’s chest ache a little. When he comes closer, gets to his side of the bed, his heart jumps then breaks when he sees Daichi’s sleeping face yet a furrow on his brows.

“Hey,” Koushi whispers without any intention of waking him up. Daichi doesn’t. “I’m not mad. I hope dream me is saying that to you. Never mad, never mad at you.” _How could I when you never will to me? I want dream me to tell you all this, to kiss you softly like how I would_.

His fingers shakily graze at Daichi’s cheekbones and he lets out a shaky exhale. Daichi’s face scrunches a little and he brings the blanket closer to him. Koushi smiles and hovers his thumb by his cheekbone. “I love you,” he whispers and Daichi’s face scrunches again. “Daichi.”

When he lays down next to him, Daichi’s arm reaches out and pulls him close and he turns to him in surprise. When he sees Daichi’s still-sleeping face, Koushi feels like crying. He moves a little closer and fists the blanket, close to where Daichi’s hand is. He lets out a shaky exhale and moves a little closer, staring at Daichi’s peaceful face.

 _Yeah_ , he thinks to himself and tries to calm himself down. _I love you, I love you, I love you, asleep, awake, everywhere, anywhere, I’ll love you always_.

When Daichi’s body curls to meet him and the the tip of his nose meets the space between his neck and collarbones, Koushi wraps his arms around Daichi’s waist and keeps him close.

In his worst days, Koushi brings out the different flavors of tea they have: chamomile, peppermint, English breakfast, green tea, licorice. Then, he’d also bring out the different grounds of coffee beans they have and wait for Daichi to choose.

Today, Daichi stands behind him, drops his head on his shoulder and murmurs, “I’m sorry.”

Most times, Koushi can keep the tears to himself.

“It’s okay,” he whispers and brings a hand up to Daichi’s hair. He scrapes the tips of his fingers down his scalp, slow and gentle and languid. “I told you before, didn’t I?”

Daichi stays quiet and his arms wrap around Koushi’s stomach.

“I’ll always be here for you,” Koushi turns around and cups Daichi’s face. “Like what I told you years and years ago.”

“I know,” Daichi whispers, eyes red and swollen. Koushi’s nose brushes against his and Daichi lets out a shaky exhale. And then, he whispers, small and scared, “I scare myself sometimes.”

Koushi keeps quiet yet keeps him close. It’s more than enough.

Sometimes, Koushi gets his bad days, too. Often times, the bad day turns into bad days and often times, Daichi comes home to Koushi in the couch, knees pulled to his chest and hands gripping tightly onto his mug and it’s like a sign, a big sign behind Koushi that only Daichi can see. Most times, he’s right, and it works, because maybe, that’s just how love works.

He’ll sit next to Koushi, quiet and a little tired, the heaviness of the day settling off his shoulders and bouncing off the walls, bleeding out of the open windows that lets gentle air and warm sunlight in. When a few minutes pass, Koushi will lean closer and closer, rest his head on his shoulder and there’s a gentle tremble in the way his exhale sounds, the soft shakiness of his shoulders, the shaking of his hands. Daichi will ask, quiet and soft, _are you okay? do you want me to hold you?_ because sometimes, Koushi’s bad days are bad bad bad and he needs space, and he can voice it out. Love, huh.

Slowly, Koushi will nod, or shake his head, but today, he nods, a discreet sniffle, and then Daichi will take the mug off his hands and hold it above his lap and ask softly, _Koushi, do you wanna talk about it?_

And sometimes, he does, but today, he doesn’t. And that’s okay. Most times (always), Koushi looks at him and whispers it out, when his throat is all scratchy from the crying and his tears are kissed or wiped away by Daichi, and Daichi—Daichi will listen and hold him.

Daichi often looks at him and wants to say _i love you, i love you always, even when we’re like this. even when everything seems to not work. i love you, despite everything, just because you’re you. just you. and that’s all there is to it_.

That’s all there is to it. Love is a different—a whole—kind of a lot.

But that’s all good. It’s nothing DaichiandKoushi KoushiandDaichi can’t handle.

_And I don’t pray much, but when I do,_

_I always ask for you and me, me and you,_

_meeting, seeing, knowing each other,_

_in every universe, lifetime._

Despite it all, always together.

In every sunrise and sunset and moonlight and whatever mood the beach is, Daichi looks at Koushi and knows he’s the only one he’ll get close enough to long for. Maybe in some cheesy, romance movie, he’s the one Daichi chooses to run away with. All those cheesy romantic cliches, he’ll do it all with Koushi if he can.

But for now, in this world, in this universe, he holds Koushi close to him, spending their last few days together as college students and basking in the setting sun. Here is how life looks: Koushi still wants to teach children, wants to show them how kind and loving the world will be to them, wants to care for them. Daichi still wants to teach children, maybe ones a bit older, wants to teach them volleyball, maybe, because maybe being captain for all those years left something permanent inside of him, wants to help Koushi in letting children know what’s it like to be loved and cared for. In their own simple ways, of course. Well. That’s what you learn in Education, they guess.

Oh. There’s another thing, DaichiandKoushi, guesses, how love works, despite everything they think they already know.

But that’s a story for another time.

For now, they lay there, quiet and relaxed, the first time in ages, all wrapped up in each other’s embrace, warmed up by the sunlight mingling in with the spring to summer air, voices hushed and laced with softness and laughter. Daichi’s hand is wrapped around Koushi’s wrist, using it as some puppet as Koushi snorts and tries to pull away.

“You’re so lame,” Koushi teases. “Lamer than the _preschool_ teacher.”

Daichi feigns a look of hurt. “ _Hey_.”

Koushi watches Daichi, squished cheek against the pillow, and smiles. He wiggles his fingers a bit and Daichi presses a kiss in the middle of his palm. “Hey,” he wiggles his fingers again. “If you didn’t choose Educ, what would’ve you chosen?”

Daichi presses a kiss on his wrist. “Like in another universe?”

Koushi rolls his eyes, “Nerd. But fine, yeah, let’s call it that.”

“Hm,” Daichi hums and lets Koushi’s palm rest on his cheek. “Maybe Business. I don’t know. Or Education.”

“I said,” Koushi whines out, rolling his eyes. “ _If_ you didn’t choose Educ.”

Daichi makes a weird face. “I don’t know! Astronomy.”

“When have _you_ wanted to become an astronaut?”

“Just now!” Daichi pouts. “You keep asking me!”

“You’re so lame.” Koushi groans out. “I would’ve chosen Law.”

“Really?” Daichi asks before he frowns. “Wait, no, that makes sense.”

“Right,” Koushi trails off. His eyes focus on the ceiling, look at the clean slate of white, and the few cracks, and feel Daichi kiss his palm again. “What about me?”

“Hm?” A kiss on the tip of his thumb.

Koushi turns his body so that he’s facing Daichi. He watches as Daichi presses a kiss on the tip of his index finger, then peppering down to his palm again. Koushi’s throat closes up then opens again. “What about me? Would you have chosen me? Still?”

Daichi slowly pulls his palm away from his face and looks up at him, a puzzled look on his face. “In another universe?”

Koushi nods then, feeling a little stupid for asking it. He feels like he’d just spilled his heart out, or his guts out. There’s a sudden silence that envelopes them as Daichi continues to stare at him. He feels like crying until Daichi lets out a soft sigh then kisses his palm again.

“You,” he whispers it, softly and gently, that Koushi feels like he’s hearing a secret. Daichi looks at him firmly and kisses his wrist, where his vein thumps and Koushi swallows his heart. “I’ll always choose you, you know that, right?”

Koushi lets out a sudden and shaky exhale, not expecting Daichi to softly intertwine their fingers then and to move closer to him. “Koushi,” it hurts, in a good kind of way; the way Daichi whispers and says his name, like it’s something sacred, like his mouth is the safest place for his name to be. To just be. Koushi wants to hear it from Daichi’s lips, always, like it’s the start of a fairy tale.

“Koushi,” Daichi whispers again and Koushi feels his lips tremble. “Every day,” he whispers and presses his lips softly against his. “Every day, I choose you. Even if it’s another universe or lifetime, it’s still you.”

“You’re such a nerd,” Koushi chokes out, feeling oddly emotional. He lets out a sniffle and then a giggle when Daichi kisses the tip of his nose. “You’re not the one who’s graduating with a major in English.”

“But it’s true,” Daichi pouts and kisses him gently. “I’ve been with you for years, I’m in love with you.”

“Stop,” Koushi whispers weakly, trying to push away Daichi’s face but forgets that his hand is intertwined with his. Daichi kisses the back of his hand. “Why’d you say that? I hate you.”

Daichi quickly leans closer and kisses the pout on his lips. “You’re getting old,” Daichi says instead. “Look at you, crying.”

“Yeah,” Koushi sniffles. “Like a _baby_. I’m _young_.”

Daichi hums and then nods a little. “My baby.”

Koushi pushes his face away, cheeks heating up like he’s still in high school. “Stop!” he lets out a sudden air of laughter. “What’s with you today?”

Daichi pulls his hand away from his face and pouts. “You started it!”

“Fine,” Koushi sniffles again and looks at Daichi with a rather sad look on his face. “I’ll choose you every day, too, Daichi!”

Daichi stares at him, lips pulled into a tight line as if he’s muffling his laughter then he turns to the other side, laughing loudly.

“Hey!” Koushi whines and pulls at his shoulder. “Why are you laughing? I’m getting emotional here!”

Daichi turns to him again, cheeks pushed up high as he grins. “You looked and sounded so sad!”

“Well,” Koushi sniffles and grasps around for Daichi’s hand. He finds him easily. “I’m sorry! You made me sad!”

“I’ll choose you,” Daichi snorts out a laugh, and his other hand cups Koushi’s cheek. Koushi nuzzles his cheek closer and sniffles. “Why are you sad about that?”

“I don’t know,” Koushi mumbles and turns his head to kiss Daichi’s palm. “I can’t believe you’d still pick me.”

“Of course, I would!”

Koushi sniffles and looks at Daichi with wide eyes. “Even when I’m bald in another universe?”

With the sunset slowly dying behind him, Daichi nods sincerely and looks at Koushi with so much love in his eyes. “ _Especially_ when you’re bald.”

The little sign that says _Days since Sugawara Koushi punches (and kicks) Sawamura Daichi off the bed_ restarts to zero.

_I promise, you promise._

_Where I am, that’s where you are, too._

_That’s what you call ‘soulmates’, Daichi._

_That’s you and I. We’ll always meet._

_(_ Can’t we call ourselves lovers instead?

I’ve always recognized you. _)_

They take a road trip, right after graduation—right after the dinners with their families and the parties and the singing and crying. Their intertwined hands lay in the middle of them, the radio blasting loudly as Daichi rolls the windows down.

Tradition.

Since they were in high school.

First, because of a match loss. Second, because of exam stress. Third, because of college exams stress. Fourth, because of…

Because of…

Well.

Because they just wanted to be with each other.

Today, DaichiandKoushi lets the chill, morning air swim around the car as soft music erupts from the radio. Koushi’s knees are pushed up his chest as he leans his head out the window a little.

“Wow,” he lets out a soft sigh. “I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of this.”

Daichi spares a glance at him and smiles. The blossoming pink and yellow of the morning sky paints over Koushi’s face like a glorious light. “Me too,” he says, chest blooming and curling. “Me too.”

Koushi sighs and lets his hand out, feeling the cool air and lying back against his seat. “You know, Daichi.”

“Yeah?” Daichi turns down the already-low radio and focuses on the road. Here’s a slow zigzag. There’s the small fruit stand where he and Koushi always buy strawberries when they’re on the way home. There’s the store where he and Koushi buy coffee beans for Asahi.

“I fell in love with you,” Koushi starts and then turns to Daichi when they pass by the fruit stand. “Right here.”

Daichi doesn’t stop the smile on his face as he glances at Koushi. “Really?”

“Yeah,” Koushi sighs wistfully, sinking down a little on his seat. He squeezes his hand. “When you suggested buying fruits home for your family, even when there are fruits in Miyagi. Literally.”

Daichi lets out a sharp bark of laughter. “What?” Koushi laughs, too, turning at him, eyes a little watery from the wind. “It’s true! We were in our third year! I already knew I liked you but that day? Wow. Also, seeing you drive drove me insane.”

Daichi laughs again and Koushi turns a little to punch him with his other hand. “Stop laughing!”

“No, no,” Daichi laughs and pauses when they reach a zigzag. When the road is a bit smooth and straight, he turns to Koushi with a wide smile. “I fell in love with you here, too.”

Koushi looks around. Outside, the world is small and asleep, tiny houses and farms, and even tinier buildings. They’re a bit high up now. “Here?”

“Yeah,” Daichi exhales and squeezes his hand. “You were the one driving then. I was pretending to be asleep and you were telling me stories.” He glances at Koushi and grins. “I can’t remember them now, but I’ll never forget what I felt that day.”

Koushi punches him again. “You nerd!”

“Oh, please,” Daichi teases him and grins even wider when he sees Koushi’s bright eyes and brighter cheeks. “You’re totally cheesing right now.”

“Shut up,” Koushi mumbles then brings their intertwined hands to his lips, kissing the back of Daichi’s hand. “I’m driving on the way home.”

“You do know that I’m already in love with you, right?”

Koushi presses his nails down on the back of his hand.

“Okay, okay, fine, I’ll fall in love again! Ow!”

_WHAT IS LOVE?_

Love. Love, to Daichi Sawamura, used to mean: his dad coming home late, late late late, and his mom staying up late, too, and heating up dinner for him, hands rubbing at his elbow tenderly. It used to mean baking with his mom, even if it was for her birthday, and his dad coming into the kitchen with a ridiculous apron. It used to mean letting the stray dog outside their home snarl and bark at him before letting him drop the food carelessly onto the ground, too scared to come closer. It used to mean soft forehead kisses and a palm on his forehead, checking to see if he was sick.

It used to mean a lot of things, and they still mean the same after all the years.

Love. Love. Love.

Lovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelove

Love means—

—muffled laughter behind the gym, clammy palms against each other during a match, the arm on his shoulder when they walk towards the bus, the small glances at the bus ride home, the gentle whispers when everyone’s already asleep, the sharing of meat because the first years are a bit too hungry, the—

Sugawara Koushi.

Hm.

Maybe now, maybe a little more into the future, forever, maybe, love means—

—eating (enduring, persevering) too much spicy tofu, laughter and snorts inside a blanket, cold feet against his thighs, hot coffee and refilling of water bottles when it’s exam week, the hassle of buying traditional materials for teaching, the hassle of cramming PowerPoint presentations for teaching, the annual playing of volleyball, despite how busy they’ve been, saving up a little for the fancy restaurant in Tokyo, saving up a little for the occasional 7/11 midnight runs, knowing his coffee order, buying him new coffee to wake him up every day, seeing that scarf and thinking _oh, Daichi would like this_ , seeing that coat and thinking _oh, Koushi would love that!_ , pins that remind you of me, a post-it note _movies to watch; movies asahi recommended; movies that remind me of you, movies that remind you of me_ , sweaters too big, sweaters too soft, laughter and love and laughter and love and tofu and ramen and love, surprise kisses, kisses on his cupid’s bow, kisses on his cheekbones, kisses on the back of his thighs—

Sugawara Koushi. Sawamura Daichi. Hm. DaichiandKoushi. Always together, right?

Nothing’s changed, huh?

Daichi wakes up to a peppering of kisses all over his face and the soft humming of Koushi. He lets out a low groan and hugs him closer, still flinching when Koushi shoves his cold feet at his thighs.

“Monster,” he manages to mumble out. Koushi presses a kiss against his eyelids. One. Two.

“Wake up,” Koushi murmurs, voice still laced with sleep. “I love you.”

Daichi hums, and hums, and hums, and pulls him a bit closer, kisses his chin instead. Koushi’s sleepy laugh is still something he falls in love to. “I love you.”

**Author's Note:**

> <3


End file.
